In fact, a major facet of my identity for most of my adult life was that I was open and irreverent about really liking sex and having a lot of it, largely with men. You could even argue that I built a career on it.
Being bi & dating a woman means i face a particular kind of erasure
But, in the last four years, that's changed. I'm in gurl happiest, healthiest, and undoubtedly most grownup relationship of my life — and my partner is a woman.
And, though I've always been vocal about my bisexuality, for the first time I've really started to experience bi erasure as a result of misinformation about what it really means to be bi. Over the last Marriage sluts years, an datlng of people have started assuming that I'm a lesbian because I'm dating a woman — but I'm just as bi as I've always been. My experience isn't new.
The bisexual woman’s guide to dating women
A lot of bi or pan — two terms that simply mean attraction to people of different genders — people have their queerness pushed to one side or denied completely when they get into a relationship that people view as "straight. This means Bj, unless you find a way of shoehorning Free sex contacts Montpelier your queerness, people often make the assumption that bi people in these kinds of relationships are hetero.
Or, worse, they assume that you might have been bi once, but you've magically "switched sides" — fallen back into straight privilege overnight with your sexuality and queerness being completely erased Bk the process. Being bi was just a phase, anyway, right?
At certain points in my life, I've experienced this kind of erasure as a result of being public about my relationships with men — and it can be incredibly frustrating and unsettling, especially for someone whose sexuality is very important to them. Now, however, I have the opposite issue — everybody thinks I'm gay.
'am i bisexual?': a guide to dating women for the first time in adulthood
On the face of it, there's obviously nothing wrong with being read as gay. I have no problem with lesbians — I've been very much in love with one for the past four years.
My issue with being seen as a lesbian is simply that My sexuality has always been a large part of who I am, and I don't want to have it pushed to one side or reduced to something that it's not — or have my history rewritten in the process. But if you had told me that people would assume I was a lesbian, I would have probably shrugged it off and wondered why it would even be an issue. The reality has been far more infuriating and, at some points, frankly bizarre.
At first, I just picked fating on the odd comment. People talk about "what it's like with a guy" on a date or in bed, like they are speaking another language Fullerton naughty girls must be impossible for me to translate. Then, there are the more hurtful assumptions, the ones coming from friends and ex-partners — and comments that drift away from ignorance and straight into biphobia and homophobia.
her:lesbian & lgbtq dating app on the app store
A man I had sex with regularly for over two years asked if I was "gay now. But also And this matters, because those little assumptions, the ignorant comments — and even the well-meaning ones — do real damage. I've settled on a very simple explanation: "I still love dick in theory. I don't always feel like getting on my high horse about having people respect my identity, because datihg up there is exhausting and some days I just don't have the energy.
I don't always feel like it's my job to explain how sexuality works, and correct reductive assumptions every time somebody makes a misstep or an ignorant comment. I sometimes hope a quick line will do it for me. But when I do have the energy, here's what I explain: I'm not a lesbian because I'm in a relationship with a woman.
Datijg bi or pan doesn't mean having partners spread equally over the gender spectrum, and it doesn't mean your attraction has to be spread equally, either. And no matter how you identify, you don't have to justify or prove it to anyone. The more of those biphobic comments that are accepted and not challenged, the more we invalidate and erase bisexuality and pansexuality — and the more Bo invalidate and erase the idea of a sexuality spectrum as a whole.
The consequences are real. Bisexual people have higher rates of depression and other mental health issues than other queer folk, according to study after study. I remember that while I may just find the mistakes and erasure infuriating, for others the cost is much greater.